845AM – up at 640, protein shake, grab a frozen breakfast burrito that S made a bunch of last night. a peach falls off the peach tree, so i rinse it off and take it with me as well. coffee, pills, let’s go. 

on the way to work i realize my motivation is beginning to fade. posts are growing shorter, my enthusiasm is waning, this is the pattern for every project and every thing in my life. now begins the end, which is never a hard stop, but always a slow fading. soon i’ll miss a day, then two, then a week, then there will be two or three posts in the space of a month, all of which are solely describing how i have got to get back to posting regularly. then, it will be dead, motionless, forgotten until 3 years later when i read through the few posts i made and think ‘man, i wish i’d kept this up…’ so now begins, i suppose, the slow farewell. 

1145 AM – i have begun writing. i have really, i think it has happened, the words are flowing, it feels good, i feel a kind of relief like just after crying, over a thousand words today and very quickly too. of course there is a downside, as there is a downside to everything. that being that i am writing the words in an… unconventional way. oh well, there’s no way around it. i do what i do and at least im doing something. i wonder if i will have enough energy to continue this blog now that i am writing fiction again. i am light and feel as if i have met a new love. what a feeling! 

11 PM – home, water the plants, then write a bit, read a bit, then off to the mall for some walking. i buy more shirts. then home and all the while i can’t stop thinking about this new project. i wonder if it will last. i start so many things and then stop caring about them in a few weeks. it feels good for now, though. finally..