12:30 PM – I am up at 7 AM, brenda is very needy sometimes. dreams? none. i put on coffee, shower. a protein shake and slice of banana bread for breakfast, then we are off to ruston point for a walk along the water. 

cool air, gray skies, I wear a hoody for the first time in weeks. as we approach the trail we pass a patch of green grass being pecked at by crows, one of which is so big and bowlegged that he reminds me of our fat black cat, stinky. last time I was here a crow flew directly over my head from behind, perhaps only a few wingspans above me, and threw a snail down, shattering it on the pavement at my feet. he then landed and pecked at the soft insides while I watched, amazed, mere steps away. 

a bit further up i begin to see circular bronze plaques in the pavement, commemorating ‘frank herbert trail.’ one says the universe is full of doors, another says survival is the ability to swim in strange water.  I have been on this trail before, but somehow never noticed these quotes, nor that this whole area is called dune peninsula. 

we walk up frank herbert trail, and the tall brown grass along the edges of the path rolls like the sand on dune itself, spotted with the white cauliflouresque blooms of wild carrots. at the end of the trail a great boulder watches over the gray seas, and giant stone steps–as those from some ancient pyramid, steps one climbs rather than walks– lead back down to the main path along the water’s edge…

some shopping, then lunch out. dumplings and noodles and gyoza. the chili oil on the table has zero heat. i could have eaten spoonfuls straight from the jar with no effect. otherwise, delicious. 

how to tell the end of something from the beginning, the inside from the outside? there is no gap between these concepts, they meld into one another smoothly. am i inside my skin, or is my skin a part of me, making that statement meaningless. or, since everything I sense, every single thing that I can perceive in any way, is outside of my body, does that not mean that I am, in effect, existing outside of my body? 

Is this the beginning of a long habit, or the end of one? there will never be a way to know.

 730 PM – some reading, a nap, then we grated some zucchini and baked it with cheese for some delicious bites. gave most of them to the neighbors. 

we watched the ‘south park’ episode that everyone is talking about. i have not watched south park in probably a decade, and it was just as crass, loud and stupid as I remember when I stopped watching. the thought i am too old for this played on a loop in the back of my mind for the duration, and even though i did laugh aloud a few times, I don’t think i’ll likely watch it again any time soon. 

what really struck me, and why i will say you should watch this episode, (or at least find a clip online of the last few minutes) is the utter and complete power of generative ai that was on display. the last couple minutes of the episode is presented  in realistic video (unlike the paper cut out animation of the usual show,) a completely true to life generative animation of president trump doing something ruinously humiliating and embarrassing, something he would never in a million years have agreed to have himself portrayed doing. it is completely indistinguishable from the man himself. if anyone saw this video a mere two or three years ago it would have seemed impossible, mind blowing. even now it is shocking the level of realism that can be made. 

your face, your image, is no longer your own. anyone with this power (and it is increasingly anyone) can take a simple picture of you, and put you in any kind of situation in such a realistic image or video, that you yourself might end up believing you were there. 

there needs to be laws against this, and the only way to accomplish that is to aim the weapon you want banned directly at the rich and powerful. so kudos to south park for doing exactly that. 

i cannot exaggerate how awestruck i was by this video. watch it. it will and should frighten you.

dinner: burgers again. i: beef, S: turkey. i also grilled the harvest of a dozen or so shishito peppers, which we put on the burgers. delicious. then i watered the plants in the still lusciously cool air. 

11PM – another night. earl grey tea, and silence. for the most part. the cats keep throwing up, and i keep cleaning it up. tasks such as this can sometimes make me question the point of life. which i suppose sounds ridiculous. even as i type it, i see how ridiculous it is. but nonetheless i feel it. when i do mundane or repetitive tasks, i wonder again and again why am i doing this, and i can become depressed, overwhelmed by a feeling that my life is slipping away, consumed by monotony. how do I get out? 

of course, there is nothing to get out of, and i am incredibly privileged to have this life. in the end, it’s usually because i have forgotten, as i did today, to take my pills.